What is really interesting me at the moment is how we progress from little children to adults - how do we garner understanding? I keep doubting that people understand what I mean - how can they? they haven't experience life as I have. And yet, the correlations that exist between feeling, the expression, the phrases, so often echoe my deep heart's feelings, so I suppose they do understand. How are we all so similar and yet so different? I am not toying with the idea that anything I feel hasn't been expressed before - the stuck record exists perpetually. It is just that we are so separate, so different, yet strangely so the same. It confounds me!
I suppose we are all sheep, and learn by watching others - we are all mimics and copycats, taking snapshots of things we see, compiling them to make us into creatures of existence. Maybe this jigsaw flexibility is what allows us to accept another life to live in close proximity to us - we adopt them on as a fragment of ourselves - we become a little bit of them, and they become a little bit of us. Its an effort to complete the compilation, perhaps. Yet, when that all falls apart, and the spheres move apart, the jigsaw as it was has to come undone, and be remade again. This time it wont be the same as it was before.
Perhaps my distrust of others' understanding comes from losing the connection, falling short, and being broken up, without realising why, or seeing it coming. It just happens. So now I question who is on the same plane and who isn't... I was so used to just relying on that one person to get me - I wasn't worried about the others. Now I over explain everything, and pause to see if that glimmer flickers in the eyes. Its a temporary side-effect I'm sure!
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